i do think... i am not suitable for the thing that i've been doing now... but nevertheless i have to get it thru... i have to finish it off once and for all... in order to shut others mouth and to fulfill my own hope of curiousity...

i see the lights... thru all of its glimmer... and i wonder.. if ever.. a light without such glimmer would exist... then it is perhaps a representation of my own state of mind... a light that wont shine... becoz no matter how bright the light is... if it wont shine then it dont have any use or meaning to exist... hmmm

what kind of person i will be..?? people around me are taking some solid form but me... still liquid and without any shape or form... i am eager... i have no interest at all about the present me... but i really cant wait to see the future me... how i wish i can skip my current me... but i cant... and i expect that if i am like this now, then perhaps my future me wont differ much...

where am i heading..??

??????????????????????

hmm... i'm predicting a very troubled time ahead of me.... and i hate my unability to avoid it... or to change it... or perhaps to go thru it without much hesitation... now i'm really afraid... afraid of losing time... but even if you turn your back, still the arrow of time pointed ahead... it wont point the other way around...

if i really believes in luck and fate, so then i would say bad luck is still with me, following me closely and ready to snap out all of my lucky chances... bad luck is my biggest fan... ok, that, i can accept... but what are the chances that i can change this..?? my approximation, even how many times i calculate it, is still zero.... why'd i say approximation..?? coz i still dont lose hope... i still think that i can do something... i'm not saying that i am confident, but i know we should never be certain on anything... the more we think we got it right, the more chances that it is wrong... the uncertainty principle states that... and if the principle is wrong then the quantum mechanics is wrong and the application of it should never have worked...

to be honest... i dont have any hope, but my thinking helps me to pretend that i have some hopes... anyhow... it is enuff for me... to pretend... it still holds for me... a fake hope is still a hope in a way or another...

the time is 2.56 in the morning... i am going to Malacca this morning... my cousin is registering for MMU... and i have to be there coz i am 'the' student of mmu... well... just hope she'll be doing ok there... unlike me of coz... uhuhuhu...

i dont know... last nite i was not be able to be online... even though i really want to... but my big bro was using the line and i waited till i slept away... darn... and now when i am online... that someone i really wanna talk to isnt here... guess i came in late.... uuhh....

anyway... i dont have much to say... nothing worth mentioning here though there is something but i dont think it is proper for me to write it down... for me, that something is real special..

ciao....

owh well my previous posting wasnt detail enuff... so let me try to be more detail about my daily life...

now lets start...

so last nite after updating this blog i went straight to bed... have a really nice dream... but sadly i cant remember much of it as soon as i woke up... at 1 o'clock... hahaha... woke up, showered and brunch in front of the tv... owh... there's a story today worth mention.... it's entitled the miracle worker... its a story about a nanny who have to teach a deaf, mute and blind little girl who was spoilt by their parents... she have to teach her everything including manners at the dinner table... err... very touching and inspirational... and the little girl is cute too... hahaha

ok so then after the maghrib prayer... i went to my aunt's house coz she's having a 'kenduri kesyukuran' for her daughter... well actually my cousin here did well in her spm and she got herself an offer to enter MMU, which she took it without much hesitation... even after i said that MMU is good but please do consider other options like going abroad or entering those IPTA's, which i think way better than MMU... but she still refuses and still sticks to her decision... as for her parents, they just let her decide on her own... well maybe its the best... and i wish her good luck...

after the occasion, went back home, watch a bit more tv and now sitting here in front of my pc typing this crap.. huh... i think i'm beginning to hate this routine report... i dont know why people likes to tell about their daily life... well maybe theirs are full with excitement and really interesting... unlike mine... boredom is the main theme...

so well... i guess i cant do this thing.. i just can keep on talking bout other craps... am not into blogging my routines...perhaps this is the best for me... well if you recall back... the purpose of me having this thing is to write my thinking... not my daily activities whatsoever...

owh crap... while im typing this, im breaking something here... im not sure about my action... is it good or bad... whats the outcome... but heck... i just go with the flow... never think the consequences... i have nothing to lose coz i have lost everything... hahaha... pergh ayat... anyhow... i might think this thing is leading sumwhere... sumwhere bright...

owh im so full of myself... so confident and so optimistic.... so not me... ok ok... i think i shoud stop here... wanna get some creativity flowing, meaning, i want some sleep...

zzZzZzZzZzZzZzZz

????????????????????????????????????????????

i'm trying to blog like a normal person.. like everyone... here goes... *breathe in*

so today i woke up at 10.20... planning to just wash my face and lay in front of the tv watching some cartoons but becoz of my sore eyes i felt like my eyelids were sticky becoz of the excessive "taik mata".... so i went straight ahead to shower... after that only i had a bit of breakfast in front of the tv and watch some cartoons like alam ria disney and mickey's house of mouse... well basically i watched tv until 2 o'clock...

after that i called my friends and we planned to go out and so we went to bowl at the one and only bowling place in KB with only 16 lane... but still i think its the best place to bowl... hehehehe... not much going on there but my sore eyes suddenly felt okay coz theres a lot of eye candy and remedy there... if you know what i mean... hehahaha...

we finished bowling around 6, so we headed straigth to Nasi Kukus Jaimah to fill up our tummy... oh here is the best nasi kukus ever... but somehow the chicken are a bit smaller than previous... and the portion of the rice is somewhat less... i dont know... suddenly its a bit pricey... typical... when your products are on demand then you will increase the price, so that you can satisfy your greedy appetite... owh well... ignore it... people still go there anyhow.... so whats the big deal... this is kelantan for gods sake.... let them find some money and promote the economic growth... which i doubt would grow... hehhehehhe...

after the meal we went out to hunt for a certain magazine... we didnt want to buy it.. we just want to see the interesting content inside... but we didnt manage to find it... then again we just look at three bookstore... a thorough follow up will be done later... yeah ganbate.....

and so thats what i did for today... did i manage to blog like normal bloggers..??? u decide... visit my fotopage....

urgh... i'm feeling not good.. in fact i am not well... my eyes are as red as this blinking laser of my mouse... or perhaps i'm flashing some laser beams onto it... urgh... my sore eyes are really troublesome... and now my throat is feeling weird and my voice is even weirder... demmit... is it related..??

anyhow... i'm in my much beloved hometown already... and i am glad that all my other friends are having their long holidays also... and i get to meet them all... well, at least i'm gonna try to meet them... hihihi...

dont have much thing to write about.... cannot think a lot coz my brain is busy fighting with the virus in my eyes... so thats just it for now... later on dude...

i'm going back to my snowy and cold little hometown tonight for a three weeks holiday... board ( err ) a train and endure a twelve or more hours of (maybe) sleepless night and boredom... i just dont want to ride the bus anymore... am a bit afraid of it... and have had some bad experiences altogether... do not want to recall it now... go figure...

owh i'm tired of packing up and moving out all my stuff and relocated it at my oh-so-nice friend, Zawani's house in Bangi... hahaha so sorry my dear for giving you troubles... (but anyhow you got to watch all the Naruto anime... its an absolutely nice of me... aint i..??)

well actually i'm not in the mood of writing... i'm a bit down becoz of something... and some nice sleep would revive me yet again... so taaaa and happy holiday to all my MMU friends and bitches... hiiihooooooooooooo

owh funny... something i did today relates to my previous post...

it's about something that you dont expect... when you least expected something... it'll happen... somehow this can be true... and should be made into a nice and proper physical theory... never try to predict something coz the more you predict it and the more you can get the nearest approximation, well, the more you cannot get the actual result... so dont predict anything, dont expect the outcome... dont hope for things to happen... just ignore it and things will come stumbling on you... this, is something beyond comprehension even for the most advanced brain belonged to human...

so today i 'discover' a nice viewing spot to view the whole city of KL... actually everyone knows about this but this is my first encounter so i think i should mention it... this where i said that something i did today relates to my previous post... the place is called Bukit Permai... hahaha by now i can see you all laughing at me for mentioning this coz basically everyone knows about this place... but anyhow... the view there was very nice... the whole KL is painted onto the black canvas... i can see the glimmering lights of KLCC blended together with the visible stars of the night sky... how beautiful... so this is why people wants to be at the top... to feel the pleasure of the pretty scenery... but then again... it's just temporary... soon you'll have to get back down to the bottom... and for that brief moment at the top you feel relief... so what's the point of climbing up there if it's just for a short time where you can enjoy the breathtaking view..?? this is what i see in life.... the goal, the success in life is also described as a pinnacle... and the pinnacle is always just a sharp pointed thing... a dot.. it's not a linear line.. where you can always be moving constantly... or perhaps you should feel some gradient but the ideal thing about line is you will never reached the dot... the end... thats what i think the most ideal life... never put something into goals... coz once you reached it, you have to let it go and tick it off the list...

owh just shut your brain my dear apik coz your ideas are all shits... its not a good thing afterall... people will never accept such idea... a life must be driven by ambition and goals... just keep it to yourself... heck... i will never understand... i will never understand even my own existence... whats the point of living if at last you'll die and evaporate forever... owh i should get back to the divine teachings... but perhaps religion is just a mere restriction so that you wont go off thinking about why you exist... and stop questioning it coz you will never find the answer... oh my...
is this the cursed Satan that is teaching me into thinking this infidelity arguments..?? no no... i am not defying GOd... but i'm trying to put some arguments.... i hate this... i hate my own thoughts...

i'm really twisted... i dont know why i challenged my own thinking... why should i seek the answers of the unknown... i dont know... coz the vast universe.... is a hugely wasted space... if there are no other beings that share it with us... for the whole universe there's only us... living on a tiny rock called earth... does it make sense to you..?? and why religions just cater the questions on earth...??? not for the whole freaking universe....??? or perhaps... some how human will be able to make use of it, make use of the vast space that was bestowed upon us... but when will it happen...?? in another 1000 years...? will i still be alive when the time come..? or if i die, will i be able to see it from somewhere... outside the universe...??? owh crap... i'm going far off limit... should stop here... all this thinking is a waste of energy.... i hate my thoughts... sorry.... somebody should come to me and give me a nice blow on the head that serves as a reality check...

well i have some simpler things in life that i cant understand... the question of friendship... well... i think i will do a brainstorm about it later on... for now i'm exhausted already.... and i need to bang my head onto the nearest wall....

ciao....

??????????????????????????

humm..

there's not much to write about... or else i'll start ranting about things that dont really matter.. or dont even exist... as if we human are truely exist and real of some sort... what if this is just illusions... there's no point at all... the whole thing about life is, well, perhaps pointless... as if...

what can i say... can i declare that i'm rite now on the verge of something...? eventhough i'm taking some cautious measures not to put high hopes... but i can see some signs that everything is clear ahead.... and i must keep on looking for some more convincing signs... and the thing is... i'm quite happy about it... 'quite'..?? kind off... i even want to jump up in joy and hug everyone... i gotta hold it down... the excitement is killing me but i have to live to feel it...

i'm climbing something... will i reach the top..?? i hope not... coz when i'm at the top, i will certainly have to go down... i dont want it... i prefer to climb forever... everyone wants to reach the top no matter what... they even rushed to the top... but for what..?? for the view...? yeah the view is nice but... but what about the view during your climb..?? did you notice it..? definitely you missed it coz you are rushing to the top and ignoring the view on the way up... everything will look so small from above and you cant get upclose and personal... you can just marvel at it but you can never grasp it...

how's my sign..? did it reach the destination...? did it convey the meaning..?? the intentions..?? i hope so... and now i'm waiting for the acknowledgement... and the feedback... gimme please...

???????????????????

tears fall down your face... the taste is something new... something that... i know moving on is.. easiest when i am around u.... so bottle up old love.. and throw it out to sea... watch it away as you cry... a year has past... the season's go... please just dont play with me... my paperheart will bleed... this wait for destiny wont do...be with me please i beseech you...

uhh... came back from UTP and reached MMU at five o'clock in the evening... a gruesome trip on the way back coz i was driving under heavy down pour along the highway with my eyelids kept on shutting without me noticing it... all i remember was when the rain stopped as i reached somewhere in damansara i was not feeling sleepy anymore... demm rain.. but i like it anyhow... the rain brings the joy to the heated earth... i thought i had a very long sleep last nite.. but maybe becoz of the lack of sleep the night before and then the tiring trip yesterday... it all sums up today during the rain... rain and sleep cannot be separated... just like melody and song... hehehe ( irama dan lagu bak kata p.ramlee... )...

so well.. i went to Pangkor yesterday... took some pictures.. but not a lot coz i dont think that it is that interesting to take a lot of pictures... everything is mediocre... against Perhentian, Pangkor is wayyyyyyyyy behind it... and Langkawi is much more better than Pangkor.. hehehe.... aaaaanyyyhowwww i had a great time there bathing in the not-so-crystal-clear-water... under the bright sun that almost sunburned me... we spent half a day "swimming" and splashing around... huhuhu... it's been a long time since i tasted sea water.. (eventhough my house is by the seaside... well... technically)... right now i'm thinking bout going to Perhentian... got to be there again... anyhow...anyway... urghh.... snorkeling there is what i'm craving for... playing with the fish... owh so carefree... how i wish my life always like that... living on an island... far from people... each morning... wake up and stroll along the beach... looking at the pearly white sand... and breathing on the salty air... how refreshing... and at night... fall asleep while listening to the sea lullaby... the songs that the wave sings when it come and meet the sandy beach... with the breeze caressing the palm leaves that flutes some smooth grooves... owh how i dreamed of such a life... hehehe stop there...

ok about utp... i think i dont have anymore to add up... i've told you about it in my last post.... anyhow i think the best place is mmu... eventhough with the sucky admin... hahah... but the people here is way cooler... academically i dont know.. but the way people interact with each other is different... i dont know... i just felt that a lot of pretenders were there... i'm not judging... it's just what i feel... perhaps people here in mmu are worst when it come at being a pretender... perhaps i myself just dont fit to be among the intelligent one... or perhaps the way i act... hahahah... stupid nonsensical me...

to sum up everything... just take a look at the pictures i've taken... yeah...

?????????????????????????????????

woah... i've been idle for the past week... humm.. so had my final exams on last wednesday... dont quite sure about it's outcome... hihihi...
then on thursday i get on the road to UTP... and so here i am typing this thing in my friend's room in UTP... hahaha

so i'm thinking about telling you guys what's it like, here, in UTP... well for some reason i do think MMU is the best uni ever... hahahaha... but maybe that's just me... coz for me UTP is very university-ish... do you know what i mean..?? the people, the culture, the campus, the hostel, the have-to-walk-about-a-kilometer-to-campus-thingy, (hehehe), the no-access-to-nearest-entertainment thingy.... well if that what you are looking for in a university then here would be the perfect place for you...

but what i really like about this place is the campus.. it's new campus is totally awesome... the idea is... it's a university in a garden,( or perhaps a university in a reserved forest i would say )... the building design is totally cool... it's architecture is somewhat astonishing... wait till i get all the photos i've taken uploaded then u'll see for yourself... they even have Tun Dr. M as their new chansellor... seems like MMU and UTP have become siblings perhaps...

well i think that's all for now... i'm going to Pangkor tomorrow.. whoah... got to sleep.. got to recharge my energy and rejuvenate myself for tomorrow's adventure.. wahhahaha ayat poyo nak mampos... am i infected..??

???????????????????