heh it's friday again and i'm blogging at 5 pm... seems like my blogging time aren't so fixed nowdays... hahaha...

well actually i'm a bit mad at some people who just take things for granted... in my case about a group assignment... there's a person in my group who didnt do any work at all and at the very end of the due date, my group leader decided to kick him out... but he begged not to kick him and offered to print out the work and handed it in... suddenly when the time came he didnt do it and caused us a very big trouble and maybe facing the possibility of failing the subject... what the fuck... just becoz of him, each of us ( the other nine person in the group ) have to bear the consequence... damn it.. owh by the way... he's an Iranian... fuck him and fuck Iranians... well there's another Iranian guy and he's okay... so perhaps not every Iranian are sucks but a lot of them are... hmmm... this is my first bad experience with an Iranian... hahaha.. i should have believe the legend... well perhaps i must have to be carefull next time...

and so, about the assignment, my group leader had went to see the lecturer but i dont know what's the decision... perhaps it's okay and our work will still be accepted... hope so...

well i'm not saying i'm good and do everything... i do have a certain point of lazyness... but from what i remembered... i never caused anyone trouble out of my lazyness besides myself... when you work in a group you should think about others too.... thats the main point of doing things in group...the keyword is teamwork you moron... hmm.... *sigh

owh fuck it ...and forget about it... today i'm going back to Malacca to see my friends there... looking forward to it actually... hahaha... there will also be a talentime this Sunday and i think i'm going to enjoy it... we'll see...

:: Fuck Iranians and the whole country... AHAHAHAHhaHAHHhaAHahAH ::

so here i am... waking up half an hour after my one and only class for today( 8 am class ) ended... demit... miss the class again... i really hate these early morning classes... i dont think we can gain that much of understanding by starting a class before you even have breakfast... firstly you still cant get over last nite's sweet dreams/nightmares and your mind is still in it's idle state... and then to make things worst, your guts need to be filled with some refreshments first so that your body can provide some hot fresh blood filled with nourishment to get the brain working... for some of us, taking a bath very early in the morning is not even an option and always we skipped it...but it's better that way... coz the coldness might give you some health problems like a cold or something... and if you routinely bathe in coldness you might even contract serious disease such as bronchitis or other respiratory disease... furthermore if you lack some quality sleeping time becoz you stay awake just to wait for that 8 o'clock morning classes then you might be having a trouble in sleeping and then gradually will turn you into an insomniac... hahaha so you see... it is very problematic...

or perhaps it's just me giving excuses for missing the class... hahahah... i dont know... i just find it hard to wake up for morning classes... though i have tried hard enough but there's still times when i failed to comprehend my problem...

well looks like i dont have anything to do for now... maybe continuing my endless journey in the realms of fantasy and dreams might give me some inspiration on certain things to come... and it's the best way to travel through time... sleeping is the natural forward time machine... you can travel to the future by closing your eyes and then when you open it again you'll find yourself in a different time in the future... great... but of course you dont have that much control on this time machine coz sometimes it will stray way too far from your desired time frame and becoz it just have the forward mechanism so you would not be able to go back... but heck... every gift have it's downturn so you should use it wisely...

read the following essay...




hmm... while reading it, i cant refrain my self from laughing... the way this kid write was so so so funny... due to the fact that his English was so weak... yeah.. we all cannot resist from laughing out loud to this kind of writing... true it was very very dumb...

but we should give him some credit... perhaps he had done his best to write the essay... pity him...

so we might ask ourself... what in the whole wide world has he been doing in school... dont the teachers teach him properly... ? well maybe the teachers have done their part...but you see... he himself told us that he and his "members" likes to hang around at the public telephone and all... this shows us the mentality... man i dont know whether we should blame him for this...

perhaps the government's move to imply english in some of the subjects in schools was really a good move... well at least the students wont have to "story the story" about how they lack english and have "victory" in their lives...

:: just pure humor... but not degrading ::

hmm... i'm supposed to be studying but it seems that i cant focus my attention to it... my mind keep on drifting into another dimension... into the dilemma that only i understand... i mean... i know what the dilemma is but i dont know how to deal with it.... it's the state of uncertainty on how to deal with the uncertain... the only possible way is to confront it and get the objective and decisive answer... and i'm lacking the courage to do so... and the problem loop itself... i dont know...

i always look for the signs... to move me into doing something i need some positive feedbacks... if not i will stay immobile...
but in this case... i think i should give out the signs first... and make sure it will be received well and clear.... the question is... do i have to go straight to my true intention..?? or do i have to hide behind the cloak of friendship..?? i've done the latter and the result really gave me a painful experience... and really really effect my perceptions towards relationships... i've learn my lesson but still i'm not sure...

am i lacking self confidence..?? am i running out of self-esteem..??? well perhaps yes... yes is the best answer when we are referring to relationship... i have the tendency of thinking that people will look at me and judge me as someone who dont have anything... someone who dont stand out from the rest... i mean i dont have any prominent achievement or whatever that the society would look up to me and say WOW he's great... and the truth is i really dont have any... to show off or to brag about... ( basically it's the same )...

well... for now u might be thinking... what the hell was wrong with me... there's nothing wrong with me... it's not wrong to be an under-achiever... what if i say i dont like people to notice me... by staying low... while everybody wants to be found...
hmmm... i dont like it... i dont like the way people have to fake everything... faking smile towards each other that'll end up to be something really awkward when you really have to smile.... a really awkward conversation with someone who you just know and trying to keep the talk going... and how embarrassing will it be when you are being judged by someone who dont really know you ( and yet... actually you liked that person ) as someone who dont know how to converse properly... and received a not-so-fair punishment... well i dont mind about it.. perhaps that's how society works..

owh... i have a test on thursday... and i dont even have a clue about the subject yet... and i'm still collecting my determination to study... hahaha... shit... i'm so lazy.... super lazy... laziness is my hobby... and yet everyone claims that...
stereotypically and technically everyone said that... i dont know whether they're trying to be modest by stating it or it's just plain true... again there is nothing certain... ok...

i'll end here... and again my mind float into the realms of idleness...

uprooted plant life and sugar saturated fat blocks... will you be my anti-valentine..?? hahaha... cant stop myself from thinking bout the much hyped V- day.... well people said it's not good for us muslims to celebrate it coz it's a celebration of muslims' defeat against the Spanish crusaders... hmmm... well i'm not celebrating it... well i dont even have someone that i can celebrate it with to begin with... well maybe if i have one i might not celebrate it either though it will looked sweet if i do so... well it's just that it made me think...

about the loneliness that i'm facing and all... becoz always... during such events... i will feel lonely.... what good will it be to be happy if you dont have someone to share it with... ( perhaps i always cited this words... sentences... yeap me being redundant )... perhaps there's everyone to think like me coz it's not just me... but what the hell with others... it's me... i dont care bout the others.. the earth revolves.. and it do revolves around me from my point of view... i'm the protagonist in my life story.... so i have to think about and for me... hmmmm....

whiners... am i whining... a bit maybe...

hahaha... today i went out with konda and ami to sunway pyramid... konda wanted to get the dv8 tape.... but we took about 2 hours to get there coz the roads were closed due to this Le Tour De Langkawi thingy... we took a long cut through Pulau Meranti.... along the way we were like singing to the radio when ami came up with a bit of nostalgic songs during primary schools and we started to recall the songs... then i just realized that we were thought to be ' poyo' since we were small you know... just recall the song about kereta kecil warna merah...

bapaku pulang dari kota
bapaku beli kan kereta
kereta kecil warna merah
akan ku bawa ke sekolah

hahaha... you see... what the heck are you doing..?? bringing the little red car to school..?? what for..?? showing off..?? hahahhaha... it's just poyo... hahahaha... i know you all wont agree with me.. but.. it's the underlying message of somekind.... the governments' propaganda.... hahahah

ok ok ... but i do like the 'ais kacang' song... hahahaha.. and the 'mary and her little lamb'..... ahahaha... those childhood.... stop...

well... there's my entry for today... the fucking V-day... ahhh.... red roses dont last okay... so by giving away red roses means that your love is not everlasting... and by giving chocalates shows that your feeling will melt away if the 'temperature' gets high... hahahahaha.... fucking foolish... ( well perhaps for now ) kinda hypocrites....

aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hhmmm.... the due date is choking me.... a lot of people with a lot of things to do wont make a difference in what you're supposed to do... multi tasking is not an acceptable methodology to work with... you have to be pretty sure with what you are aftering... and to compensate it you just have to throw away something... please... lets get it done....

well... got my center of attention shifted... luckily for me i think it's a good one... hope for the best... my weakness is hope... even when i cant see through it i still put some optimism into it without doing any assessment... heck... a total weakness there... but i need hope to keep on motivated.... hahahahaha.....
zZzZzZzZzzzZzZzZZZzzZz......

click here to read about a comment made by a fellow malaysian about the latest proton model...

heck he is a disgrace to us all... i felt like crying when i read it... wasted about 10 minute reading his blog and now i have this really terrible urge to smack him in the ass...

a reminder for you hafiz ismail... i know you will read my blog coz i put my address in yours... please be an open minded person... being able to handle other ppl's comments ( or kutukan ) on your face isnt the only way open mind works... be able to accept others ideas is the main point in open mindedness.... about the car design.... well.. i'm not a designer myself but i have some sense of estethics... well perhaps you dont... you still want to look inside the box.... well maybe i think you cant accept a car with one wheel in the future.. or even a car without wheel... or if the interior of the car was designed by drawing the inspiration from a women's breasts... perhaps you will die if u see such design... hahahaha...

i pity you... sorry man... it's a wake up call...

argh.... in this past few weeks i'm in some kind of a desperate mood.... desperate to make "music".... aahhahha... sounds like a cliche rite..?? but hell.... i'm always like that... as long as i'm good with it...

rite now i can see some lights at the end of a long tunnel i've been digging... not quite sure what the light would bring me... well it depends on what i have to offer... am i ready..?? when i reach the ultimatum... i tend to be unsure... uncertain about what i truely sought after.... i just dont know how to step further.... it's like an easy choices for a multiple choice question.... so sure about the answer but still i have to gamble on one choice... well flipping a coin or tossing a dice should resolve it but it's so common and so unwise.... smart choice... smart gamble... it's not a decent act but it promises a good chance for you to hit the right one.... and how do i do it..??? arghh.. alas... come to a stand still.... and my iris turned white... i dont want that... please... let this light embraced me.... wahahahaha

owh... abstract is an obstruction.... to be able to watch something objectively will do a great deal but its your left brain that interpret those logics.... and my left is ruined and rotten.... how am i going to survive doing maths..??? owh... my main concern about my logics calculation is killing my sanity.... damn im not good... i have no good in me.... what am i built for anyway.... what's my purpose again..?? will you tell me... the reason i exist here now is just to co-exist.... i'm just a tool to make the world complete... well sort of... not perfect but just to make it round.... in another phrase... i'm useless and hopeless little prick.... again....

i need some motivation.... my self motivation cant even move... how am i going to change..?? conventional methods arent so practical to be used on me.... please... you of a brilliant mind... can u come up with some ideas?? forget the rules.... forget the softness... ignore the tradition... ignore the convention... stop raging without any understanding....

perfect mind blockage...




an article in the utusan struck my thinking cap... read it here

well seriously i think the author is an ultimate jerk nerd with full of orthodox malay shits.... just what is the connection between reformation and pedophilia...?? you cant justify pedophiles as a person who likes to openly show their disagree... well they are 'ganas' perhaps but they have nothing to do with freedom of speech and freedom of act... neither anti-establishment.... i'm not sure whether this hamdan guy understand what is anti-establishment means... well reformation itself means that to reform... to re-establish... need i elaborate more..??? well i'm not against the government... i even hate those who oppose... but it's true that we need to have some sort of freedom of speech... to speak out our dissatisfaction....

well we malays are like always.... hide behind something... always use those metaphoric words to convey our intentions.... heck... it's not a good way actually... misinterpretation often occur.... through out the history of malay's archipelago there's a lot of incidents that others will take advantages on our supposedly polite manner.... please be polite but not always.... critical thinking is the major part here....

well again as malays... its common to not taking the responsible and point to others... what i see here is that when a person is bad... he is bad... when his brain and emotion cant function well than you dont need those 'other' foreign influences to do bad things... yeah you watch porn... but it's you who cant think who will go out and rape ppl out of desperation....

i cant give the solution for this coz people arent a singular thing and cant be easily moulded... well i have to say this though about this rape thingy... maybe i will be sounding non-Islamic but what the heck... we have to embrace the fact... it's about the inability to have "legal" sex that drive those rapist to rape... well definitively.... malays rape for the sake of having sex.... but for others( other races ) perhaps i think its for other purpose like revenge or something... the reason i say that is coz malays have only limited ways of access to sex... marriage ( having a romantic relationship outside marriage will also goes in this but again Islam prohibited adultery ) or prostitution... and when you have no money you have to resort to masturbation or rape.... hahaha... there you go.... rape is the extreme choice.... and some people who cant think well will always choose this.... and then come in the arguments about devils and satans who persuade us to do harms.... i dont think they play a major role in this problem.... well kind of...

owh stray way out of topic... but should you disagree with me please do send me a 'hat'e-mail to sangkropik@yahoo.com

come on.....

for all i ever wanted is
to see you die in the eye of an envious lover
you dont need to have a heavy kind of relationship to be happy
just be in it would make me feel like floating
about making out
i dont think that it is possible for us
coz you are the sort of keeping everything to yourself
i know you need courage
but what would it be
to have it
and yet you just dont know how to use it
when the time requires you to act that way
it is simple though
you just need to open your mouth
and let your tongue danced in


i am simple though
knowing that you will kill the birds that chirp
and in this side of greenish world
i will look at you with a gray eye
come to think of it
your eyes are red
but i cant remember the shape of your supposedly beautiful face
or do you cover it with hate and a grudge
against my sacrificial act
am i taking the wrong way?
do you wish for it?
hate to say i love you
coz love means hate for your little soul
the heart is where your commonsense dies
the red in your blood is actually the color of fire
that lit up during the great battle of the century
years ahead
and the great red spot of jupiter still wrecking through your veins
let us all cheers for that holy love!!


:: the stupid me ::