A Drop

pretentious as fuck... i shouldnt say that words, or should i say its a must? looking at the "scene" we are in right now i think those words cannot wholly describe its true meaning...

when the aeroplane hit the air pocket, it will be free falling, and if i hit the air pocket in my brain, its my emotion that is free falling... i'm counting on the parachute but couldnt find the right string to pull.. i'm calling of a "mayday", a distress signal, so that my drop can be located, my landing will surely be a blast, like comet on fire...

hey, calling off my luck, losing my faith, dropping my consciousness towards reality, i am drifting in my own thought of losing the battle, i am hopeless, and holding on to something too weak, so insecure, my days are numbered...

my blood is evaporating like the water in the hot lake, and red crystal is inside me... i am drying... i am decomposing...

tricking my mind is simple, running from reality though, is not at all easy, its like jumping over multitude of bottomless holes, and with your eyes shut...

crazy, i am reaching it, beholding the truth for the last time before my will to carve my future dies... fuck future, and fuck incompetence...i would like to fuck my future if you will...

huge!!! words are small, the font size is 12, yet you kill your tounge with it... lines, spaces, dimension, im going numb and number, lots of commas, im in comatose...

Arguments

Lately we argue a lot... and often because of something so small.. and often we end up being upset, no matter who was wrong or right... and i think this is just a phase, and that this is going to mature... we've been puzzled of why up until now we never have a serious fight, is it healthy or not? and we never really want to be in a fight actually, coz it will hurt so much...

people say, you wont feel pain as much if you dont love as much, and when we fight i feel like my heart is ripped off... so painful... and die is not an option...

i love the way we are now, the situation where we are beginning to assimilate... where we are balancing each other, and maintaining the composure... something that we should talk about, is not always something that have to be filled with laughter, we should look at things that is sensitive and serious, though we shall laugh harder at the end of it...

you are my motives, one thing that keeps me going... and i've been in tranquility ever since... and i dont want to look back anymore, to be in such depression, such turmoil... i'm giving in, defenseless, and surrendering myself to you...

i love you Huda, and always do... wheeee!!! <3

p/s: sorry post ini jiwang... lantak korang la!

Train of Thoughts

dammit i got an awful lot of things to be told, or perhaps to think about...

we are living in a polarised world, a set of unchangeable rules are upon us... meaning that only a certain amount of light can be shone upon our life...

dammit i'm confusing myself right now, my brain is peeling itself off...

if this is life, please tell me that it is worth living...

a lot of things, but i cant remember what are those things... rumblings is not the 'in' thing for me now...

i am sorry, i am sorry for myself because sometimes i can be a total jerk and a dumbass at the same time....

Butter-not-at-all-worth-y

well, i'm half way thru writing about the governments' plan to apply the harm reduction technique in order to control the drug addiction problem when somethings change my mood... so i decided to write something thats totally different... hahaha...

i am not at all excited about going to penang for the beautiful junk festival... i dont know why but i just dont have the mood... maybe something to do with everything... my supp, my 'kemiskinan' right now, and everything... i think i wont be going... i'm sorry but i think i have to prioritize...

im not trying to cause problems, or trying to find a point, but the feeling is not right... when i am not excited about something then it is no use for me to go on... even if its going to break someone's heart, or lots of hearts... well its not my intention to do that but i just feel that i have nothing important to do there, to be there...

but then again, i am going... coz its for the sake of my beloved one, and thats the only reason i'm going... if its not for her then i wont even consider to go... yeah i sounded hypocrite and cliche but what the hell i dont care... i dont give a damn about DDA, or whatever great bands there, seriously i dont give a damn... blah blah blah...the important thing is i'm going just so that i can spend time with her... why? coz i love her so much... hell yeah!

Highlander

yeah! just got back from my family trip to Cameron Highlands... ermm... i think i wont be telling the whole nine yards about the trip... hahaha coz i will never write such things here, my real life is not the same as my online life... i try to separate it... so that i'm not such a person who think my real life is in this virtual world... oh but then, i do tell some, bout my real world, 3D life...

i think Cameron Highlands is a very cool place to live... the climate, the temperature, the people, the scenery... everythings is so perfect, well at least for me... i love it... i love it so much... i wont mind to spent the rest of my life living in Cameron Highlands... and so i hope that people will let Cameron Highlands to be as it is right now... please! do stop those developments, for it will destroy all the beauty of the place... and i hope 'someone' will be glad to accompany me there.... hahahaha

well, its the month of June, and its the sixth month already... and six is her favourite number... how time flies... and how i've been a happy man for these past 6 months... to look back at me, how i was, what i was, six month ago, i think i am a different person, a totally different man, like a world apart... how amazing, a simple four letter word can give such a big impact... ok not F.U.C.K but L.O.V.E...hehehe... love is magical, and it can be pretty useful when handled with care... thanks dear for this great magic you've bestowed upon me... hahahaha

ok, i love you Hudasan! <3