We Look Like Cartoons

yes... a second entry for today...

love is a like a religion... you have to have faith in order to believe in love...
and if you did something right, you'll feel happiness and the world is a heaven...
and if you did something wrong, you'll feel the pain and its like being in hell...

i wonder... what should i feel right now..??

Break The Iceberg!!!!

ahh... so the ice have been broken... all the things that we should discuss had been talked about... and all the things thats been in my mind all this while had already been asked and answered.. but then came that question...

am i ready or not? sadly i do have to be honest... and i am honest... well i know i can just lie but it wont make any sense when what i'm doing is for the sake of me... and i know you need to know it... so all this time, its not you, but me who need some more time... i need to prepare, or think about it... i know i am certain about what i've said, but i'm just not ready... fuck me!!!!

what am i doing?? this is the best thing that ever happened to me but i'm just not ready?? i thought i've always wanted this to happen but i'm not ready?? am i kidding myself?? no.. i know i'm always ready... get set and go...

hahahaha... we are serious when we laugh... or we have to laugh to sound serious... right?? is it the way or is it just plain silly..?? mann... i'm so sorry...

now i'm beginning to feel awkward... but i feel like i cant stop writing... oh.. btw... i found a box of Durex at the parking lot just now... three condoms in a box.. wahahah... (sorry iklan Durex jap... tapi, tolong! practice safe sex! hehehe)

ok la... think i'll stop here... i'm afraid if i dont stop, this entry will turn into an open letter... hhahaha... right now, i'm going to crack open my head... yeah!! taa!!

Surreal!!

yes... it was surreal... you was surreal... ahaha... but i am pretty sure it was not a dream... i know... because the feeling was solid... the touch was solid... and i hope everything is solid... yeap...

i've been busy even after my finals... coz i've changed my course... now i'm an FCM delta MI student... busy being the model for the animatics/story boards of the tv ads, and giving hands in cutting and pasting... even went out to print the works... hectic i would say... wahahaha... poyo je... tah paper...

for the first time i dont feel that eager to go home for the holidays... ahaha... funny... but i should go home... i dont have the luxury to stay here and spend all the money... coz i dont have any money right now to begin with... i cant just tell my mom that i want to stay here for the holidays and ask her to give me some money... sangat anak derhaka camtu.. but, i know i'll be kinda dead if i go back... kinda bored to death... and missing you to death... maybe!! ahaha... from the brighter side, i can go out shopping from one 'kedai bundle' to another... trying to get a cool jacket actually... or two perhaps... ahahah... maybe 3 weeks would be enough... for the first time ever i think a 3 weeks holiday is more than enough... in fact... it will be very long... ahahha... mann...

ok.. got to get to work now... doing the captions/description for the animatics... the due date is tomorrow at 5 pm... hahaha... last minute work will always be the cream of the crop... or so they say... ahahah..

arghh... tak boleh tido... lagu ini terngiang ngiang... terima kasih seven collar t-shirt kerana membuat lagu ini...

::Renaldo Moon::

stand tall, leave the waste you're on
there's hope in every war
it's time to keep your strength for more
from what you never knew was yours
inside your wings, i'm asleep

stay smooth, i dont need no proof
the silence will speak for both of us from now on
i have a dream to follow
hanging by your will, i'm keeping

hand in hand
take us to our paths
or funerals
(mistakes are what we're made of)

(for you) i have shown love, i have been true
i'll keep devoting my world for you

stand tall, leave the waste you're on
there's hope in every war
it's time to keep your strenght for more
from what you never knew was yours
inside your wings, i've been dreaming in colour
hanging by your will....

_______________________________________________________________

fuckin' depressing

aaa... just out of nowhere, i feel depressed today... well.. actually i'm fuckin bored with my study life.... the sick thought of giving up come flashing like thunder... and its been flickering on and on infront of my cornea like forever...

and what should i do if i give up my degree?? right now i'm pretty confident that becoming an engineer is impossible for me... the reason is that, i've learned that sometimes dreams dont always come true... what you dream is not actually your real goal... you have to be realistic... dont be too ego to accept your weakness... and i am weak.. i know i cant do it... but my egoistic self keep on pushing myself... and i'm tired of that...

but then, i've put in so much... well kinda... so much effort, and whats important, so much money in it... and i know it will be such a waste if i pull out.. if i back off... perhaps... if i be a little bit patient, and stay focused, and wait a little more longer, maybe i can make it... i'm afraid, i'll wait too long... and keep losing my time... i dont know how much time i have left... but i'm feeling like, i'm running out of time... dont know why but i just feel like that... strange... well, freaky...

the surrounding, it presses me... i'm flat on the ground... standing up is not something that i took for granted anymore... what can i do right now? what should i do? what's the chances and whats the opportunity that i have that i cannot see? arghh.. its all making me insane.. fucking depressing thoughts... the whole you-should-learn-to-be-responsible thingy makes me feel like blowing up... okay.. lets forget about it right now...

well... thanks to you i'm feeling a little bit relief... you've done a very well job... you make me happy... like always... ahahahaha...

Ish!!!

i'm back in MM-fuckin-U' for the exams.. argh.. exams!!! it really ruined the festive season... hahaha... not that i enjoy hari raya though...

well... raya was great as usual.. it was all like, a routine for me so its not that exciting anymore... sometimes to make things more exciting we should prepare some surprises and put in the suspense... then only Raya will be awesome and we really do appreciate it... we all kinda take Raya for granted... ahahaha... maybe all these will change in the future.. when i'm a bit older, and when i have a new life... ahahaha... well, routines do ruined the excitement... ishh... ( dan juga status dimana sudah dianggap 'adult' lalu tidak layak mendapat duit raya adalah sbb utama hari raya tahun ini sangat tidak bes!!! ahahahah)

owh... got to mention this, the Maher Get Together was awesome, totally!!... hahaha... eventhough a lot of unfamiliar faces, ( but thats what make it exciting, surprisingly!! see!! )
you guys can take a look at the pictures by going to my fotopages... look for the address in the links section, i'm way too lazy to put a link in here.. ahahahah... oh.. actually, the party liar at the end of it was somewhat so not 'Kelantan'... hahahah... imagine going to a club in Kota Bharu... strange!!! not to mention, the hot tingkatan tiga girls... aaaaa!!! baru tingkatan tiga dah dressing kalah model.... hot lak tuh... arghhh... aku benci diri sendiri yg sudah berada di universiti... mahu kembali ke sekolah dan menjadi tingkatan tiga... plis!!! hahahah...

ok so now, i have to try to study... damn... its gonna be a very long week before i can go back home for the holiday again... ohh... but, maybe i'll be suffering from rinduness... ahahaha... iskk... i'm in dilemma!!!! in dilemma about going back for the holiday and have to wait another three long weeks to see you again.. ahahahah.. but i really wanted to go back... hmmm...

Selamat Hari Raya!!!

yeah! tomorrow is raya!! and everyone will have a smile on their face..!!!

maaf zahir batin kalo saya ada tersilap laku tersalah bahasa terhadap kamu!

mari beraya dengan aman damai di dalam kelebatan hujan monsun... ahahha!

mari makan ketupat sampai perut kembong!

mari mabuk makan tapai pulut!

mari melihat Lang Buana di tv3!

mari lepak di rumah tengok budak2 datang meminta duit raya tanpa segan silu!

mari makan nasi di siang hari!

mari tidur di hari raya pertama!

ok... dah!

i miss you!

Kelatamm!!!

yeah!! i'm at home now!! finally.. ahahaha... just had what i've been longing for, a proper 'bukak puasa' with my whole family... it was awesome.. and right just now i had my sahur... and i ate a lot... yeah... very the happy one... very the delighted one... uhuuu.........

well my mood is all set up for raya... and today i might try to go shopping for my baju raya... damn everyone already have their baju raya except me...

hmm... i went straight to bed last nite.. around 9 i think... sorry i didnt talk to u last nite... i was like very tired and very sleepy..

anyhow... i think i want to sleep summore... yeahhh!!

Communication

hehhehehe... well this is an invitation... its not a threat...

ok... had a good day... eventhough i woke up at 6 pm... ahahaha... ok fine, its like i'm not fasting but "derang main kasar beb, wut to do? (kata lando)".... heheheh

but i feel like, the nite went on very fast... i'm not sure why.. perhaps time do fly, at Mach 3 maybe... (its 3 times the speed of sound in layman's term... ahahah... i'm nerd geek sorry..)

went to Starbucks Taipan with M.J(hahaha)... she owed me hot choc... yeah.. it was ubertastic... the settings was kinda melancholic.. the songs that was played... the drizzle outside... ahahaha... but we're not.. its just the surroundings... we just sat there playing with the sofa... thanks for the killer game... oh no.. i owed her famous amos... deng!

hmm... today's wednesday... yeah.. tomorrows thurday... going back home... yeahhhh... i want kasut raya!!! ahahah

yeh.. i'll sleep...

Great Scott!!

notice the title above..?? hahaha for the first time i try to give a title to my post in this blog of mine... ahaha kind of experimenting with the vast possibility of my fucked up and rotting creativity... well.. its a cliche and i dont fucking care...!!!

yes... today is monday... and by this friday i'll be in my hometown.. am looking forward to it... but not looking to far ahead... coz after the raya break we'll gonna have final exams... ahahah... damn... my raya spirit is ruined by that...

hmm... so raya comes again... and i'm not feeling all eager for raya... the eagerness tends to fade away year after year... maybe its becoz that i'm 22 and wont be getting 'duit raya' anymore... or perhaps i cant jump around the house yard waving my 'bunga api' anymore... (but well i did it, still, last year.. ahahah) or well maybe... its just me who is feeling like that... coz for the past few rayas, theres a lot of drama happened, concerning me, concerning my family, and concerning me and my friends... ahahaha... i dont like to recollect what've happened... i know, the past will stay, (ehehe can i borrow your words?) but still, the memory of it... was just too painful... ahahahah

i want to have a fun raya again... i want to sincerely smile, without having to fake it... i want to sincerely apologize, whole heartedly... ahahaha.. i hope this raya will bring all that... the contentment in me that i've been longing for...

but for now, lets sleep... zZzZzZzzzZzZzZ~!!!

have u ever feel like..
u really want to say something...
something that will make a change..
something that will mean a universe to u..
something that will make it the best thing that ever happened to u..
something meaningfull.. even if it is just a three words sentence...

but u just cant find the best time..
but u just cant have the right moment...
but u just fail to move your tounge...

and i..
am finding the confidence..
i'm building it...
perhaps with all my might...

and u know what...
rite now i'm feeling like laughing out loud...
waaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahhahahahah...

ok i'll sleep... dont u worry...

i'm not well...
my pc is not well..
was not working at all last nite..
i have to spend almost 12 hours just to figure out what went wrong and repair it..
its like repairing R2D2, C3P0 and Millennium Falcon at once... ahahahah ( lawak nerd)
and now i just cant make my yahoo msger working... well the new version.. the previous version worked just well.. so rite now im using the previous one... hahahaha

oh.. and just now... i'm not feeling well... feels like gonna catch a fever... but..
rite now...
kinda getting well...
aahahahha maybe you are rite...
you are the remedy and you're also the poison...
wahahahahahah... sorry lame words...

gotta dream rite now...
hmm lets fall asleep while listening to a movie script ending again...
lets see what kind of dream i'll be getting next... yeahh

passing thru.. unconscious statess... wuwuwuwuwu