i think we have only two kinds of human being here on earth... and that is stupid and clever... it is true you know... because everything human do or think or say can be justified with this two words....

so for example, if you are lazy to go to class, then you are stupid because you dont think about the consequences.... of coz in the sense of academic, you'll lose some valuable lessons and knowledge and so you'll have trouble when you sit for the exam and when the result is out you'll fail and so the word stupid will come in mind.. and if you are rich and you like to donate to those who really need the money then you are clever becoz not only you do charity, but you also help those people from suffering and thus made the earth a better place...

and if you are a genius and you have the power to change the world but you tend to use that power to destroy it, then you still are a stupid person coz you cannot use your genius brain to do some good... and if you are a not so brilliant person and then you also make the world a living hell then you are a total idiot times 100 becoz not only you yourself are stupid, but you also make others life miserable... so still you are stupid...

and a clever way to live is to be a clever person... clever person means you can think and you can use that thought to ease your own living and to ease other humans' life... you can either do things or you can do nothing... by choosing the right thing to do or not to do you'll become a clever person...

so... humans are either stupid or clever... nothing more...

i'm listening to Tiramisu after reading those review bout the indie rockers big day out... i am sooo damned for not going there... i really fucking hate the sudden situation... always it is like this.... when something good is ahead of me and i really plan to go then some big obstacle would prevent me... but anyhow now is July... my bad luck month of the year... oh how i hate july... please please go away july... everything i do will result in bad luck.. or bad things.. or bad situation... or bad days... or bad mood... or bad feeling... or bad fucking sleep... and i cant sleep... i cant think... i cant eat... fuck you July!!!!

i havent been calling home for about a month already... my phone is dead somewhere in the fucking KL and i dont wanna go and fetch it.. let it be there.... i know.. i know the phone is somewhat sentimental but it's not a happy kind of sentimental.. more to making me sad... hahaha... i'm half glad that the phone went dead... kinda like half of my previous token of my past 2 years of life is deleted... ahahahaha... the metaphor... its not... i just put it like a metaphor.. the handphone represent it... 

well people like to assign things to their respective happenings in their pathetic life... like for example if people go out to someplace new... or on a vacation somewhere, people will buy things as a souvenir, token, memento, keepsake or whatever fucking thing that you like to call.. just to make sure that you remember the trip/vacation... or perhaps if some memorable events happened people will took pictures so that they can re-live such moments... and this is what normal people will do...  

if i were to collect an item for each memorable events in my life... i think i will need a warehouse to store all those things... not that i will try to exhibit them to people, but i will just put it in some safe place perhaps... but then i dont have such habit of collecting... because i dont like to recall the events that've passed... but occasionally i do get some item that represents such event but it is not from my own effort of trying to collect...

well there is something that i like to collect.... people's faces... i really like to look at people's faces and try to put it in my memory... but i'm not being friendly or try to make lots of friends... it is just that i like to look at people... i like to see people... how they behave and how their faces are when they do such things... sometimes i can assign some pattern to people's faces... as such, if i look at a certain face i can assume how they'll act or how they'll talk... but my assumption was just for myself and i never judge 'em before i really get to know 'em... what the fuck is wrong with me..??? what the hell am i talking about..?? people's faces my ass!!!

back to July... why i really hate July..?? i'm not really sure when i started to hate it but its always like this... i am like naturally hated july... i dont know why... and true bad things always happened in july... hmmm... once i got hit by a motorcycle in July... that was way back during my primary years... and then last year's July i got that sickening news... and i wont be telling it here.. ahaha...

perhaps i should look for a girl named Julie... irrelevant..

i like to look at people... but i hate people...

hmm... its been very long... very very long... i am so sorry that i havent put anything into this lately... i am absolutely have nothing interesting going on.. but right now i have something that might be very interesting..  i pick this one from a book called the curious incident of a dog in the night-time... a very interesting book... go check it out...
 
anyhow... this is a section in the book that got me thinking... and this thing is viewed from a logical thinking... i'm not stating anything.. and i dont want to believe in it coz i know my faith... just to show that we all can think logically... in a way that is permitted...
 
so here it goes...
 
quoute... " People believe in God because the world is very complicated and they think it is very unlikely that anything as complicated as a flying squirrel or the human eye or a brain could happen by chance. But they should think logically and if they thought logically they would see that they can only ask this question because it already happen and they exist. And there are billions of planets where there is no life, but there is no one on those planets with brains to notice. And it is like if everyone in the world was tossing coins eventually someone would get 5,698 heads in a row and they would think they were very special. But they wouldn't be because there would be millions of people who didnt get 5,698 heads.
 
And there is life on earth because of an accident. But it is a very special kind of accident. And for this accident to happen in this special way, there have to be 3 conditions. And these are:
 
1. Things have to make copies of themselves (this is called Replication)
2. They have to make small mistakes when they do this (this is called Mutation)
3.These mistakes have to be the same in their copies (this is called Heritability)
 
And these conditions are very rare, but they are possible, and they cause life. And it just happens. But it doesn't have to end up with rhinoceroses and human beings and whales. It could end up with anything.
 
And, for example, some people say how can an eye happen by accident? Because an eye has to evolve from something else very like an eye and it doesnt just happen because of a genetic mistake, and what is the use of half an eye? But half an eye is very useful because half an eye means that an animal can see half of an animal that wants to eat it and get out of the way, and it will eat the animal that only has a third of an eye or 49% of an eye instead because it hasn't got out of the way quick enough, and the animal that is eaten won't have babies because it is dead. And 1% of an eye is better than no eyes.
 
And people who believe in God think God has put human beings on the earth because they think human beings are the best animal, but human beings are just an animal and they will evolve into another animal, and that animal will be cleverer and it will put human beings into a zoo, like we put chimpanzees and gorillas into a zoo. Or human beings will all catch a disease and die out or they will make too much pollution and kill themselves, and then there will only be insects in the world and they will be the best animal.." end of quote...
 
So, think what you wanna think... but remember... we all have faith... and however you try to define, or try to contemplate life... please remember that we all will die... and that will remind you back about God Himself... He who have the greatest power...
 
Arrr... i'm starting to shiver... thinking about death... whats on the otherside.. that's the greatest mystery of all... huuuuuuuuuuuuu
 

this is really fucked up

whats going on in malaysia.. where's those friendliness that we boast around.. ?? what kind of fucked up mentality have we been brewing here in malaysia..?? whats wrong with that guy..?? was he insulting your moms that give u the right to beat him..?? all he's doing was trying to have some fun with his fiancee.. was it wrong..? but maybe his only fault was confronting the men... but again thats not a concrete reason to beat him to death... argh.. stupid ego maniac losers... and some more... this thing happened in Sri Hartamas... the place where there's a fucking load of people around... and yet nobody tried to even stop the beating... as if it was a wrestling show... sigh... perhaps the "mind-your-own-business" was taken too seriously by the malaysians that we just become too ignorant... even if the life of someone is at stake... we just do nothing...

and yet, i dont know what to do except cursing at this kind of sad events...

hmm...

its been quite some time now that i didnt post something here... well its not that i was too buzy or what.. but its just that i dont have the time to write what i've been thinking... coz things went on a very rapid flow... its like a flash of strong light.. it burns your retina but just for a while you recovered...

hmm well there is no meaning at all.. all the things that i've done lately... there is not a single point to it... i was just like messing around with myself... with things that might hurt me... and it did hurt... i know.. i was familiar with the pain... i knew back then that i shouldnt mess with it... but still i like to take the risk... and i think it was bearable... i still can handle it... or well.. maybe...

the problem with me is that i dont have a very strong ego... i said that i will do this, but instead i cant stick to what i've decided... i have two inner thoughts and both of it will fight against each other each time i came up with a decision... but which one will win will depends on my ego... but then... my ego... my self esteem... is right above zero... and so it is hard... i was easily broken...

damn... so i took the courtesy to blow away the fading light of hope... but well maybe i will be the one who lighten it up yet again.. even though i know it is/was always a false hope... a fabricated one... and who fabricated it..?? again it is me... my assumptions leads into that false hope fabrication... and i was trapped by it.. see how silly i am..?? weird... actually everything was going on inside of me... it was just a part of my imagination... imaginary hope... but why..?? why did i fell for it... stupid dumbfuck me... i guess...

hmph... if i keep on writing this, it will be more and more depressing... so i better stop it right about here....