i'm listening to Tiramisu after reading those review bout the indie rockers big day out... i am sooo damned for not going there... i really fucking hate the sudden situation... always it is like this.... when something good is ahead of me and i really plan to go then some big obstacle would prevent me... but anyhow now is July... my bad luck month of the year... oh how i hate july... please please go away july... everything i do will result in bad luck.. or bad things.. or bad situation... or bad days... or bad mood... or bad feeling... or bad fucking sleep... and i cant sleep... i cant think... i cant eat... fuck you July!!!!

i havent been calling home for about a month already... my phone is dead somewhere in the fucking KL and i dont wanna go and fetch it.. let it be there.... i know.. i know the phone is somewhat sentimental but it's not a happy kind of sentimental.. more to making me sad... hahaha... i'm half glad that the phone went dead... kinda like half of my previous token of my past 2 years of life is deleted... ahahahaha... the metaphor... its not... i just put it like a metaphor.. the handphone represent it... 

well people like to assign things to their respective happenings in their pathetic life... like for example if people go out to someplace new... or on a vacation somewhere, people will buy things as a souvenir, token, memento, keepsake or whatever fucking thing that you like to call.. just to make sure that you remember the trip/vacation... or perhaps if some memorable events happened people will took pictures so that they can re-live such moments... and this is what normal people will do...  

if i were to collect an item for each memorable events in my life... i think i will need a warehouse to store all those things... not that i will try to exhibit them to people, but i will just put it in some safe place perhaps... but then i dont have such habit of collecting... because i dont like to recall the events that've passed... but occasionally i do get some item that represents such event but it is not from my own effort of trying to collect...

well there is something that i like to collect.... people's faces... i really like to look at people's faces and try to put it in my memory... but i'm not being friendly or try to make lots of friends... it is just that i like to look at people... i like to see people... how they behave and how their faces are when they do such things... sometimes i can assign some pattern to people's faces... as such, if i look at a certain face i can assume how they'll act or how they'll talk... but my assumption was just for myself and i never judge 'em before i really get to know 'em... what the fuck is wrong with me..??? what the hell am i talking about..?? people's faces my ass!!!

back to July... why i really hate July..?? i'm not really sure when i started to hate it but its always like this... i am like naturally hated july... i dont know why... and true bad things always happened in july... hmmm... once i got hit by a motorcycle in July... that was way back during my primary years... and then last year's July i got that sickening news... and i wont be telling it here.. ahaha...

perhaps i should look for a girl named Julie... irrelevant..

i like to look at people... but i hate people...