fuckin' depressing

aaa... just out of nowhere, i feel depressed today... well.. actually i'm fuckin bored with my study life.... the sick thought of giving up come flashing like thunder... and its been flickering on and on infront of my cornea like forever...

and what should i do if i give up my degree?? right now i'm pretty confident that becoming an engineer is impossible for me... the reason is that, i've learned that sometimes dreams dont always come true... what you dream is not actually your real goal... you have to be realistic... dont be too ego to accept your weakness... and i am weak.. i know i cant do it... but my egoistic self keep on pushing myself... and i'm tired of that...

but then, i've put in so much... well kinda... so much effort, and whats important, so much money in it... and i know it will be such a waste if i pull out.. if i back off... perhaps... if i be a little bit patient, and stay focused, and wait a little more longer, maybe i can make it... i'm afraid, i'll wait too long... and keep losing my time... i dont know how much time i have left... but i'm feeling like, i'm running out of time... dont know why but i just feel like that... strange... well, freaky...

the surrounding, it presses me... i'm flat on the ground... standing up is not something that i took for granted anymore... what can i do right now? what should i do? what's the chances and whats the opportunity that i have that i cannot see? arghh.. its all making me insane.. fucking depressing thoughts... the whole you-should-learn-to-be-responsible thingy makes me feel like blowing up... okay.. lets forget about it right now...

well... thanks to you i'm feeling a little bit relief... you've done a very well job... you make me happy... like always... ahahahaha...