argh.... in this past few weeks i'm in some kind of a desperate mood.... desperate to make "music".... aahhahha... sounds like a cliche rite..?? but hell.... i'm always like that... as long as i'm good with it...

rite now i can see some lights at the end of a long tunnel i've been digging... not quite sure what the light would bring me... well it depends on what i have to offer... am i ready..?? when i reach the ultimatum... i tend to be unsure... uncertain about what i truely sought after.... i just dont know how to step further.... it's like an easy choices for a multiple choice question.... so sure about the answer but still i have to gamble on one choice... well flipping a coin or tossing a dice should resolve it but it's so common and so unwise.... smart choice... smart gamble... it's not a decent act but it promises a good chance for you to hit the right one.... and how do i do it..??? arghh.. alas... come to a stand still.... and my iris turned white... i dont want that... please... let this light embraced me.... wahahahaha

owh... abstract is an obstruction.... to be able to watch something objectively will do a great deal but its your left brain that interpret those logics.... and my left is ruined and rotten.... how am i going to survive doing maths..??? owh... my main concern about my logics calculation is killing my sanity.... damn im not good... i have no good in me.... what am i built for anyway.... what's my purpose again..?? will you tell me... the reason i exist here now is just to co-exist.... i'm just a tool to make the world complete... well sort of... not perfect but just to make it round.... in another phrase... i'm useless and hopeless little prick.... again....

i need some motivation.... my self motivation cant even move... how am i going to change..?? conventional methods arent so practical to be used on me.... please... you of a brilliant mind... can u come up with some ideas?? forget the rules.... forget the softness... ignore the tradition... ignore the convention... stop raging without any understanding....

perfect mind blockage...




an article in the utusan struck my thinking cap... read it here

well seriously i think the author is an ultimate jerk nerd with full of orthodox malay shits.... just what is the connection between reformation and pedophilia...?? you cant justify pedophiles as a person who likes to openly show their disagree... well they are 'ganas' perhaps but they have nothing to do with freedom of speech and freedom of act... neither anti-establishment.... i'm not sure whether this hamdan guy understand what is anti-establishment means... well reformation itself means that to reform... to re-establish... need i elaborate more..??? well i'm not against the government... i even hate those who oppose... but it's true that we need to have some sort of freedom of speech... to speak out our dissatisfaction....

well we malays are like always.... hide behind something... always use those metaphoric words to convey our intentions.... heck... it's not a good way actually... misinterpretation often occur.... through out the history of malay's archipelago there's a lot of incidents that others will take advantages on our supposedly polite manner.... please be polite but not always.... critical thinking is the major part here....

well again as malays... its common to not taking the responsible and point to others... what i see here is that when a person is bad... he is bad... when his brain and emotion cant function well than you dont need those 'other' foreign influences to do bad things... yeah you watch porn... but it's you who cant think who will go out and rape ppl out of desperation....

i cant give the solution for this coz people arent a singular thing and cant be easily moulded... well i have to say this though about this rape thingy... maybe i will be sounding non-Islamic but what the heck... we have to embrace the fact... it's about the inability to have "legal" sex that drive those rapist to rape... well definitively.... malays rape for the sake of having sex.... but for others( other races ) perhaps i think its for other purpose like revenge or something... the reason i say that is coz malays have only limited ways of access to sex... marriage ( having a romantic relationship outside marriage will also goes in this but again Islam prohibited adultery ) or prostitution... and when you have no money you have to resort to masturbation or rape.... hahaha... there you go.... rape is the extreme choice.... and some people who cant think well will always choose this.... and then come in the arguments about devils and satans who persuade us to do harms.... i dont think they play a major role in this problem.... well kind of...

owh stray way out of topic... but should you disagree with me please do send me a 'hat'e-mail to sangkropik@yahoo.com

come on.....