Rediscovering : Romance

yes... a sequel to yesterday's post...
kinda emotional... kinda sentimental... just watched Wicker Park... a very great movie... love-will-prevail kinda movie... and right now listening to Keane... ouh... ahahaha...

well i think i'll continue to recap 2004, this time perhaps about my emotional journey...

its like forever, i've been looking, or trying to find love... for my whole life, everything just seemed to get along with me, except this one thing, that is love.... they say love drive people... they say love gives you the strength to struggle, to survive... and so, if i dont need to struggle then i thought i dont need love... or perhaps thats why love keeps avoiding me in the past, coz maybe i dont need it...

but then, somehow somewhere along the way, i got strangled in a web, i got lost, detoured from my supposedly straight life, and my happy go lucky life turned into a long, devastating and constant failure... i mean, everything, i felt like i'm losing my bestfriends, i'm losing my 'genius self', i'm losing my faith, i'm losing my grasp on reality... and i tried to resort to love, in hope that it'll save me...

and in the past 4 years of my university life, i've been trying to seek it, and wasting all the effort, the energy and the strength on it, when actually i dont need to... coz if, if only in the end i could know that all those were not worthwhile, i wont and never will seek it... and right now, i'm absolutely sure that it really is unworthy... coz the love that i've been aftering before was just a false alarm, it was not at all on par with the love that i've embraced right now...

and 2004 helps me... the year helps me to look through the delusion, the hallucination that i myself created... 2004 guided me, and healed me, and then gave me what i've been longing for... 2004 taught me to learn the truth, and taught me to move on, and then carry on...

2004 gives me huda yusoff... i love her like i love myself...

and i hope 2005 will give me back my happy go lucky life...