hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....

first of all today i'm feeling totally fucked up... everything was a mess today... dont know why.. with all this hassle and things that happened around me, i come to a very very intense confusion... oh my my..

people around me looked so excited towards this football/soccer thingy... that Euro Cup or whatever they call it i dont know.. but here i am... a person who no nothing about the most famous game on planet earth... i dont like football... i just dont know why... of coz i can be a poser... but there is no point at it... i'm not being honest... ahahaha i know its not a big deal... not a fan of football doesnt matter at all... but this small thing made me think and ponder about my life... why..?? becoz it made me think... that actually i have nothing to make my life interesting... and when i think more, i came up with a very long list...

i dont like football, i dont smoke, i dont take drugs, i dont go clubbing, my studies are like shit, my future is not certain, in fact maybe i dont have a future, i dont know how to flirt nevertheless to have a girlfriend to share love or whatever feeling that they call it, a lazy bum ( super lazy bum ), not a looker, not even a religious person, have a very bad attitude, doesnt have anything to be proud of... well... to sum it all up, i am a total loser... that is what i am...

and what have i been doing..?? nothing, just throwing away my life... without gaining anything... what do i have inside..?? emptiness... pitch black... i think i'm reaching my breaking point... but i am not ready to break yet... i have to struggle... i need the strenght to struggle... where am i going to get it..??? can i just go to a gas station and fill me up with the best oil they have..?? or should i reach out and grab those high voltage cable so that i have a very strong potential energy..?? if there actually is a swamp demon that can give me strenght if i ate it's vomit then i might go and search for it... well.. aahahhha... i found my uniqueness... i just know how to fantasize... and i live in my fantasy... well here i am... thanks to all those fake reality that i made up... well i'm stuck... thank you very much...

always like this... will always be like this... hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm