Should I Stay or Should I Go

yeah, just felt like writing something...
i've lost a lot of my life right now, i think... well, thats the price i have to pay for commitment...
sometimes i feel like laying down everything... letting go everything and just be free, and carefree like i used to...
but then again, its the life that i've left behind, the life that i've been trying to avoid... and things wont be better than what im having right now...

oh yawn, talking bout my pathetic life wont weight anything... blogging about my life is like complaining about pollutions, or about graft cases among the government officers... hahahah

im such a boring person, when im not emo.... lately i just dont know how to write, partly because
im being occupied by other things, and also because of my stable emotional condition, thanks to the great and continuous love poured by dear Huda to me... im sorry if im not an interesting person anymore, and im sorry if im not an observer of the world around me anymore, coz people change you know....

and right now im thinking about parting with this blog, coz there's no point of keeping a blog anymore.... it wont hurt to loose one blog among thousands and thousands... well, im still contemplating, not that it will make a difference if i delete this blog...

so, taking the words from The Clash, 'Should I Stay or Should I Go'....

taaa

Classics..

when you've reached the summit, its time for you to stumble down the slope... hard...

its a touch and go affair... scratch the surface and leave... hit and run... maybe a one night stand but doing it till you're tired and turned into a vegetable...

and the clouds that shades you from the glorious rays of sunlight are slowly moving away... leaving you high and dry...

i need to jerk off... maybe... hahahah...

Surrender to Sound

i am beginning to feel like a feather in a rainstorm... im wet and floating mercilessly... helpless... and being blown into every direction...

im a dreamer, a big dreamer, of wanting to achieve all the impossible things in life, and i am motivated by the dream to dream even more, even bigger, larger than life, and continously i fell into a large elaborate dream of reality...

how articulate my mind can be, and it is pretty fucked up...

.dot.

dear,
i am missing you so much right now... its like here i am online, alone in this big empty computer lab, with the airconds full blast... and you're idle, out having fun in a certain gig... damn i miss you.. i want to be there too, with you, cuddling you, hugging you, making jokes, smile, laugh with you or at you, (hehehe) while listening and chilling to the great musics... damn.. i miss that so much...

its the feeling that i've felt before, when we went to singapore for the second show without you... there i am alone in those 'cool' crowds, in the ubertastic HOME club, and pretty much sleepy, and longing for your care, for your tender hands to caress me, while im sleeping on your lap... its the same feeling... i am missing you so much, but not to death cos if im dead then all of this wont matter... hahaha...

Dorky...

wwuuhuuuu... dammit i think i've forgot that i do have a blog... its like ages when i last wrote something in here...

hahaha... i am such a dork... and she likes me for that... not that type of dorks, but the kind that can make her laugh and not being all romantic and mushy all the time... i am far from romantic...
yeah... this thing is getting better and better... im still learning everyday... learning to make her happy... and the best reward for me is her sweet smile... wheeee jiwang gel!

put that aside, well i think im such a bad friend... maybe not bad... its just that i dont spend that much time ( perhaps no time at all ) with my old friends... and this few days kinda made me miss them all... i miss all those stupid chats and insults... hahaha... they said that i've abondoned them for new friends... hahaha yeah! thats funny...

yeah, people change... thats the one thing that everybody seems to deny... 'be yourself!' people say... fuck it... you have to adapt... 'stay the way you are!' they cried... hell no! if you dont change you can never survive the ever changing world... hahaha... dork!

i'm going back for my much needed holiday... its been a very hectic 2 month... and i am all exhausted...

and will be missing her for sure... dammit... i wish i had a private helicopter... or my very own puddle jumper... hehehe if you dont know what it is you can go shove a carrot up your arse... hahahaha...

yeah... i know my blog has becoming something so meaningless, something so pointles and boring and lame and shit... but i dont care... and dont worry... i will try to write more later... its like i'm back with this blog trend... hehehe

i love you Huda Yusoff! I am that black night sky and you are the stars that give the shines and glimmers to it... you are my star... my stars!!!

Love Is All

yeah it is true... the only way humans make their existence meaningful is through love... and not specifically love towards the other gender, but also to everything else... but in this post, im referring to my love, my relationship... and it is a very very fulfilling, very happy and very much fun... and contrary to the popular believes, it wont make the world beautiful, but at least you can see something nice, feel something so relaxing, and soothing... and thats what love should be all about...

love is about relaxing, and soothing, and caressing your soul with all of its tenderness... and i am very much the lucky one, for having the chance to feel all this... and i know, we should never be certain about everything, but at least i have some assurance from this love, and how it shaped me to become more and more conscious about myself, about my life....

and this post is definitely dedicated to our first anniversary of being together... and i'm hoping to celebrate it in the coming years, and i am planning to celebrate it each coming years... hahahaha

i love you NURHUDA MAT YUSOFF!!! you are my heart, and i cant live without my heart... wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

Back to Basics!!

this new layout reminds me of how web design have changed... i can still remember those days when we all still use the good ol' notepad to write the html codes for webpages... and it brings me memories of high school... those days, knowing the abbreviation 'html' stands for what, can make you a genius ( but both now or then, you're still a nerd )... hahaha... and thats in 1995... mwahahahah...

and so i wanna go back to basics... it looks lame nowdays i know... but i dont care... everyone's making all sorts of beautiful and nice blog layouts... and i found em a bit boring... hahahaha...

ok nuff bout my lame ideas...

havent been blogging for a thousand years... its not that i'm busy or what... its just that i simply lost interest in writing down my thoughts... and thats an excuse... out of 10 people, 11 have blogs... so you can see how irrelevant blogs are nowdays... its like listening to rap rock or the 'Helena' song... so not cool...

if you are to choose, which one you would like to be... hot or cool??? but, sometimes hot and cool come together... like 'The Strokes'... they are all hot, and they got a very cool attitude... and i'm confusing myself now... labels comes in many forms, and putting three on one thing can make things all messed up... and i'm stripping myself because the room is very hot indeed... damn!!